


Heaven - As Told By A (Slightly Incompetent) Angel and Demon

by Phoenix_Rose



Series: History - As Described By a (Slightly Incompetent) Angel and Demon [4]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale is finally making decisions, Aziraphale leaves Heaven, Aziraphale's not-Execution, Gabriel is mentioned - and he's a douche, Gen, Heaven, Pre-Slash, They're very in love - and very oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 22:21:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Rose/pseuds/Phoenix_Rose
Summary: Edited 13/07/19 to add linked footnotes.





	Heaven - As Told By A (Slightly Incompetent) Angel and Demon

**Author's Note:**

> Edited 13/07/19 to add linked footnotes.

Anathema looked between the pair of them.  Aziraphale had relinquished his armchair for her, some strange sense of politeness insisting that he give his guests the chance to sit alone if they wished.  She didn’t understand it, exactly, but he seemed happy enough beside Crowley.  Almost unconsciously, he was leaning towards the demon.  Neither seemed to notice it - or, at least, neither acknowledged it.  Anathema didn’t know which it was with them.

The question popped out without her really thinking about it.  “What’s it like, Up There?  Heaven, I mean.”

 

Aziraphale tensed, his smile becoming fixed.  “Heaven?  Well, it’s…  Heavenly!  Absolutely heavenly, my dear.  Crowley, do pass the- ah!  Yes, that’s the one.  Thank you, dear boy.”  He filled his wine glass until it almost poured over and swallowed a larger swig of it than Anathema had ever seen him do before.

“Angel?” Crowley asked slowly, carefully.  Evidently he, too, was worried.

“It’s fine.  I’m fine, dear.”  He took another drink and breathed deeply.   He took another deep breath and then relaxed, seeming to decide something. [1]  “Heaven is…  Not how you humans portray it.”

“I didn’t expect it to be,” Anathema admitted.  With angels and demons differing so wildly from her original perception, it was inevitable, really.

“It’s… bare,” he said, hardly seeming to register what was said.  “Empty.  It’s so _empty._    Not a butterfly or book or snake [2] to be seen.  You could walk around for hours and never meet another soul.  It’s…”  He swallowed, his throat bobbing.  “It’s lonely, sometimes.  Angels aren’t supposed to be lonely, you see?  The love of the Almighty, our love of all creatures - it’s supposed to sustain us.  But-”  He laughed, a little wildly.  “I’m a dreadful angel, Anathema.  I get…  I feel terribly lonely, sometimes.  That’s why I didn’t want to be reassigned, even after Eden.”

Crowley stared at Aziraphale like he’d never seen him before.  He reached out one shaking hand and placed it gently on his arm.  Aziraphale shook himself and forced a smile.   “But for everyone else, it’s just lovely, I’m sure!” [3]

“You’re not a dreadful angel, Azi,” Anathema insisted.  “You’re a principality!  I looked it up; that’s high up.”

“I _was_ a Cherub.  I was demoted after I gave away the sword.”  He shook his head and cleared his throat.  “Anyway, it’s been a while since I went up in peace times - the last time I was there, they were preparing for battle, so perhaps…  Perhaps it’s changed.  Crowley, my dear boy, what was it like for my trial?”

Crowley blinked and looked, to Anathema’s eyes, nervous.  “Your _what_?”

“My _trial_ , dear.  I know you know what a trial is - you had one, though it was a dreadful sham, and I’m sure you must have had a hand in its design.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”  He swallowed and looked at him.  “Angel,” he said gently, “there wasn’t a trial.”

“Wasn’t a…?  But, but…”  Aziraphale laughed breathlessly, “But you said they tried to-  To execute me.”

“They did.  They had you - me - walk into Hellfire.  Walk willingly in.  They… they just didn’t have a trial first.”   He swallowed and tried desperately, “Perhaps, in your absence…?” [4]

 

Aziraphale stared at the carpet for a moment, looking stricken.  Anathema knew what he was looking at - his summoning circle, his direct link to Heaven.  “No,” he said finally.  His voice was firmer than Anathema had expected it to be.  Crowley, too, looked a little surprised.  “You don’t have to make excuses for them, my dear.”  He shook his head and gave another, slightly breathless, laugh.  “I don’t know why I expected one.  They’d already decided I was a traitor.  I knew that.”

“Ang-  Aziraphale.”  Crowley hesitated a moment before reaching out and taking his hands.  “I really am sorry.”

Aziraphale smiled softly at him, an image of peace.  “Don’t be.  Why do they matter?  I’m not on their side anymore.  I’m on our side.”

Crowley hissed suddenly, “Hussshhhh.”  Aziraphale raised an eyebrow at him and he clarified, “You can still Fall.”

He laughed, “Not today, my dear.  I won’t Fall today.”

“You won’t?”

“If it upsets you so much to think of it, I promise not to Fall today.”  He shook his head, “Besides, I’m not questioning Her, I’m questioning Heaven.  Gabriel.”

“There’s a difference?” Anathema asked quietly.  She almost… regretted starting this conversation, and yet…  And yet…  Anathema wasn’t a seer, despite being a witch, but she had a sense…  This was how it was meant to be.  Aziraphale needed to make a true decision, one way or the other.   She looked at Crowley and wondered if he felt the same. [5]

“I didn’t think so, but now…”  He smiled.  Not happily.  He just smiled.  It was, all at once, devastating and brilliant, tragic and joyful.  The terrible knowledge that he, Aziraphale the Principality, had lost his faith in Heaven, and the perfect knowledge that he would never lose his faith in Her.  Anathema had to look away.  “I think Gabriel acts without Her wisdom.  I think that he doesn’t understand the Ineffable Plan so much as he likes to think so.”  He fell silent a moment and dropped one of Crowley’s hands.   The other, he kept close in his.  Crowley didn’t try to remove it, even as he clutched it a little too tight. [6]

 

Aziraphale took another breath and looked upwards, as if looking through the roof of his bookshop, through to the sky, through space, through to Heaven.  “I don’t think She will be too upset with me for following in Her footsteps and moving away from Heaven.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1 It looked, to Anathema, less like a decision and more like a surrender.  A surrender to the truth.  A refusal to keep hiding the truth.  
> (Anathema was a very good judge of intentions - in this case, and many others, she was completely correct.) [return to text]
> 
> 2 Crowley and Anathema both looked at him strangely, here, but Aziraphale seemed oblivious.  Perhaps he simply hadn’t noticed the significance, or perhaps he _had_ , but didn’t have the strength to acknowledge it just yet.  Just enough courage left to say it, not enough to (yet) to admit _why_ he’d said it. [return to text]
> 
> 3 Most angels do, indeed, find Heaven perfect.  Whether they find it lovely is another matter entirely.  It is worth mentioning that Aziraphale has never felt love in Heaven.  He felt it in Tadfield (the strongest love he’d ever felt), some parts of London and Manchester, and even in the Bentley, but never in Heaven. [return to text]
> 
> 4 For the record, Crowley didn’t believe for a second that Heaven had held a trial in Aziraphale’s absence - and, of course, they hadn’t.  But, though Crowley is generally against faith on principle, he would be incredibly upset if someone _dared_ to rid Aziraphale of his. [return to text]
> 
> 5 He did. [return to text]
> 
> 6 This was, incidentally, the only sign of how terrifying finally leaving Heaven behind for good was that Aziraphale allowed himself.  He barely allowed himself this, clinging to Crowley like a lifeline, like the only thing he really feared losing. [return to text]


End file.
